The thankless job of step parenting | Step Talk

When people who aren't step parents or part of blended families ask what its like, I often compare it to a career in the CIA. When you are in the CIA if you do something right you get no thanks or recognition, its actually kept a secret, but if a CIA agent screws up, you better believe the media and general public will be all over it. Most step parents do take on the financial risks/burdens to support their families, most of the step moms take on the typical female roles when it comes to maintaining their home, but unlike the bm don't get the real rewards. How many of you have worked your butt off to juggle the money to pay for a nice Christmas (or anything for that matter) to have the kids turn to dad and say "Thanks dad you're the best!" I do have to say, my DH is very supportive of me, and in those situations does give me credit to the kids and I do get a mumbled "oh thanks" but without DH forcing it, I would probably once again be over looked.

When have you ever watched the academy awards and heard someone thank their step parents? When have you ever attended a high school graduation and heard the valedictorian thank their step parents? I sure haven't! The truth is, many of these people probably do have step parents, and if they did end up being successful, they probably have the type of step parents that we're good role models, that did make the financial and emotional sacrifices it takes to raise a child, that we're up all night when the child had a nightmare or was sick, that stayed up until midnight to wash the baseball uniform so it would be ready for the next day, that can spell any word in the kids vocabulary books because on the way to school everyday they quizzed them, that got yelled at for being late for work because they had to drop a homework assignment off at school that was left on the kitchen table, that stood in line for 2 hours on black Friday to make sure skid got what they wanted for xmas because with all of the cs and financial burdens such xmas gift would be way out of price range any other day of the year, and when the kid does turn out half way decent you get to stand by and hear what a great bm and dad they have, how even with the divorce bm and dad did a great job.

I understand that I didn't give birth to my skids. I have a son that I did give birth to, and I understand the difference in the way I feel about skids vs. bkids. I typically compare the bond with skids to the relationships I have with my younger siblings, they are family, I love them, I would do anything for them and they are as much part of my family as my kids, but the love I have for my own is just a different kind of love. I don't expect skids to love me in the same way they love mom (I have to throw in here that I do have great skids so I can't imagine how much worse this is for the people who don't) and even though they love me in a different way than mom, it is difficult to know that the majority of what I do for them is over looked. BM is a toxic manipulative human being, her house is messy and disgusting and has no order, the kids eat garbage while there and buy new underwear when they run out of clean ones. When I look at this and think to the future, any domestic capabilities they end up with will be in spite of her and perhaps as something learned from me, the same goes for any academic or athletic success, but do you really think anyone will recognize this?

Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/161183

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